Fecal Face is one of those webzones that help me get through the day. So, I head on over there and what do I find today but Ole "Jer-Bear" calling yours truly a god damn genius. Backatcha bud! Last time I saw Mr. Fish, we consumed many beverages and basically deconstructed the entire human race. He had just seen this documentary about Ed Roth that blew his mind. I mean, no doubt, dude was light years ahead of his time and influenced millions but did he also basically invent putting graphics on a t-shirt?

I'm so busy over here picking up Novak's dry cleaning and cleaning the f*cking bathrooms there isn't a minute for blogging even when there's something worth splashing over the intermasses. For instance, did you guys know that Sean Conover rides for The Creach now? Well, guess what? Yup. Sean rips. The contract he signed is pretty lucrative (includes a neon green jet-ski) and the kid already got him self a Mag Minute over at The Mag. Welcome to the team Young Conover. Prepare masses, Hesh Law will bite your face.
In other news, Ponts is up in Alaska flying planes in the f*cking tundra... Is there some type of reality show about this kind of sh*t? Navs would know. If not, we got dibs.
Check out this spawn of the Hitz clan... Ezra Hitz... Kid's got deep hesh roots and obviously a pretty great t-shirt selection.
Oh and speaking of great t-shirts, Ole Kram dropped this little gem on me today... If the jpeg is too small to tell, the fingers go in Creature's A-hole. Genius. Out 2012.
If you were to go to IHOP and order the Hesh Law Breakfast it might look alot like this... Actual size of the waffle is 15 feet tall and the syrup is made up entirely of liquid acid.

We just updated the Saints and Sinners mega-micro-site with 4 new video entries, one of which is a special late addition to the tour. Here's a hint: he's from Indiana and has the option to fire me if the tour doesn't go well. Go here for more info and check back on the regular for tales of success and failure.

The Baby Lamb rolled into Santa Cruz last week to put some brews back and take care of some future business. Between you and me, the kid is a mess, seems he can't as much take a piss without getting hurt somehow. I mean, sure, he could drink a 12er and 5-0 a 25 stair rail and roll away clean but he may also simply roll out of bed and need to get 15 stitches to the face, go figure. Anyway, Gravette threw caution to the wind and let me tattoo him... 11 tats under my belt and obviously not getting much better, I mean what is that a camel head on a lamb body? and what the hell is that coming out of his butt?

Highlights of my power 48 hour journey to Hollywierd...
- The 60 year old lady/plastic surgery nightmare asking if we filmed any porn at Rick and Buddy's studio.
- Guzman claiming we could probably see her naked if we invited her inside.
- Cranston rolling a "stunt joint" for 3 hours on set.
- "Stunt Weed"
- Partanen taking power naps at the bar
- Hanging out at the 6th St. zone of the LA resevoir (the part that smells like old piss in a old mayonaise jar) for 4 hours.
- Neil, period.
- Gravette at 2am, bringing ladies to their knees by putting week old puppies to sleep at will.
- Me at 2 am, dropping puppies and explosive tequila farts.
- Being Olsen's Cigarette Caddy while on set.
- Hewitt's euro swim trunks. And Moustache. And old man haircut.
- Putting Olsen's face scar in my wallet.
- The Blood Sluts.
- Can pipes.
- Rick and Buddy
- Hitz explaining how make a "stunt bottle", smashing it on Cranston's head and launching glass into my eyeballs.
- Creature's new "Married Men's Therapy Group"
- Taking off my shoes and achieving the "That smells worse than Boat's feet" award
- Drinking at the hostile and feeling like I was in Germany, surrounded by faux hawks.
- Partanen's back lip over the stairs... deep and shallow.
- Baby Lamb's grass scorpion

Check Lance's blog over here for some shots.

Thanks to everybody who is still down there making it happen, see you soon, I just secured a re-accuring role on Gossip Girl....

I can't commit. I'm re-evaluating our relationship.

Damn, long week...
Couple of big things went down this week. First, Ole Crow hand came up for some serious Hesh Law rituals. No doubt about it, Hesh Law will be earth shattering but what really seemed to blossom was the sequel to the critically acclaimed Butt Country. Navs has really put in the time on the ole "can-cam"... stay tuned for more...
While Navs was here we also had to set up some time have him interview himself for his Slap Interview Pretty introspective stuff. Thanks to Kram for the always impeccable gaffing.
So no sooner did The Vertical Vampire show up than Al P, Gravette, Taylor and Rollo cruised in to film the Brue Killer commercial. See what transpired here. Thanks to Wilson, P-stone and E-man for putting up with my Scorseski. Good times!
So, basically my face was brue-bloated and my liver hurt for days after the crew left, but I did manage to turn up the heat with this relic from the past, only 250 available!

Here's the thing internet people, there are some things cooking over here that I want to tell you about but I can't and it's not like we haven't known each other forever but, you just have to wait, til then here's a picture of Stu, remember him? In other, semi-out-of-the-blue news we threw the First Annual Trifuctya today. The race involved eating 3 hot dogs, downing a can of soda, running around the building and finishing by completing a doughnut. 7 contestants signed up, the thing was damn near a landslide, here was went down... Yup, lips and assholes. Pole positions set... Prize pack was pretty sick, Brue Killer complete, some Chewy art and a Vallely Skateboards helmet from TSG, wow! The Con-man came to win, even Novak was trying to put money on him. Speaking of the preacher guy from Poltergiest, the man himself. I was banking on The Ice man and Mar to blow doors on these fools. But I could tell as soon as Marty put on the headcam he wasn't taking this thing seriously I would have also put money on the newly relocated Heavy Metal Chuck. As soon as he started drenching his buns in Sprite I thought he had something Marty on his way to last place. May I present you with the man of the hour, Joel Ellis, dude is an animal, and regardless of the chest pains he may be feeling now, he killed it, Kobiyashi would be proud my man, don't die. There's a party in Joel's mouth Way to go holmes. In hindsight I think this is where I thought Joel was gonna lose it and either puke or go into cardiac arrest but he totally pulled through like a champ.

The End

We had a hot Lemon Party in the Art Dept. yesterday. Tyler got himself a whole tattoo rig complete with DVD, hosted by Tattoo Tony. Tony made it sound like you could virtually start a tattoo shop with this gun and a cash register. So, that's pretty much our plan. Tony thought we should start by tatting down some lemons. Here comes Ty-Ty with the best most obvious option Kram comes with some tight script Bri-core gets busy with some jailhouse styles I came with a Von Dutch tribute And then Chewy comes in and lays down complete annihilation with this Japanese dragon and basically blew everybody away... If you'd like to schedule an appointment we have a 3 month wait list and we decide what you get tattooed with, not you.

Checking the headlines today and ran into this. Realizing right after I opened it that this is Creature rider Devin Appelo's brother, Taylor... Woah, really so messed up, I don't even know what to say about it. I hope they find these guys and do something to make up for Taylor's face. Those of you in the Portland area, keep your eyes open for a benefit to pay Taylor's medical fees, which are probably in the tens of thousands, so lame.
On a lighter note, Parts sent me this. S.A.D.!! Pretty much best voicemail I've heard in a while. Creature Skillz!
If you live in Jersey and you only buy sh*t from shops that support skateboarding, then chances are you go to NJ skateshop. We teamed up with NJ to offer up this new Union board, only 60 made, handscreened....check it. These boards should hit their shop floor by the end of the week, true fiends should hail the awesome and buy them all...
We're running a Toughest Lemon Tattoo contest in here, results tommorrow...

Hey Navs, when your done making power moves check this car out. I just tattooed Holly from sales last week with a Creature graphic, guess which one and win nothing! Final note: Who ever made this gets a free deck, prove it and the packy is on the way.
Gravette's on his way here, I gotta split before he gets here....

Damn Tay-Tay!

Nice sticker, what's up with those trucks?

Nice custom. What's up with those trucks?

Sweet edit. Finally, this guy gets it!

Rip Rider butters!

Focus Drama!

Tattered.

In an effort show some sort of consistency on this blog I present our second installment of "I work at NHS, who gives a f*ck?" This weeks interview is with Jordan Tabayoyouyayan, he's from Sonoma or Sonora, I'm not sure which, he handles the Santa Cruz stuff here at NHS and could have the best tre bomber at the factory (maybe second to The Bone)... So Jordan, you have this sort of pacific islander thing going on but you totally act like a white guy. What's your deal?
Well lee, I fluctuate like the seasons... In the winter, I morph into this light brown, almost olive color... I wouldn't say I'm olive complected...Maybe an olive that's been dropped behind the bar at Brady's. Aren't olives green? or black? In the summer I turn this dark brown looking color. Kinda like a salamander... Its awesome when I go traveling south of the equator, everybody thinks I'm a local, South America, Hawaii, Jamaica...Some refer to me as the shape shifter of Sonorma.
Great Jordan, you lost me at olives. F*ck an olive.
If you're heading to skate a ditch with Hitz, don't bother bringing your board, Shitler has you covered... Speaking of the Hitman, check his Thrasher Hitlist here.
Hey Marty, check this vid of some straight street scrating. PS I guess we can't say we made it up anymore. And speaking of the Web Dept. Where the f*ck is the web wizard?